Life can be Difficult

I know that difficult times are not fun at all.  In fact, they can be really awful. I have been wondering lately though. What if I frame my trials in a new way? What if they are the backdrop to highlight the good times? I wonder if, in the hard times, I will change my perspective if I may not even see light amidst the darkness of my hour.

I don't know how to share exactly what has recently happened to me.  It has been profound, scary, exciting, and very unexpected. 

I had not been feeling great for a few days. It wasn't that odd because I just had indigestion. It was bad enough that I didn't attend church that day.  I just didn't feel great. By Monday, I was able to go to lunch with a sweet friend. The next day, I walked my dog, Ellie, and I taught my cardio class at the Wellness Center. It was Halloween.  It was going to be a very busy day. It had gotten super cold, and my hands hurt while I walked Ellie. I figured it was just because I was cold.  I got home, my hands warmed up and the pain went away. 

I had payroll to process at work, I needed to take my mom to get groceries, and I just didn't have time for what happened next.

I finished teaching my class and I could tell I was just a bit off. By the time I was leaving the facility, I called my sister, and she wisely advised me to go to the doctor to get checked out. 

I headed to the nearby Urgent Care. They determined that I was either at risk or was having a heart attack. Gosh!!! WHAT???

But I eat right and exercise!!! How can this be?

I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I remember traveling in reverse looking out the window at the all too familiar road. I began to pray with a bit of excitement and peace that this could be my last day here on earth. I wasn't hating my life; I was just getting excited that I may be face-to-face with Jesus today!!!!  Oh wow!!

I immediately began to think of all of my wonderful family and friends that I would be leaving behind, which made me tear up. But the peace that fell on me was beyond what I could ever have imagined or put words to. It was that heavy deep breath followed by a full exhale that makes up a sigh of relief and release. (Yeah, still words just cannot do it justice)

For any of you who know me well, this next part will not surprise you. The ambulance driver, the person who was taking care of me, and I started joking around. I smiled, and they smiled. The young lady who rode with me was so busy with my care, but she was still light-hearted with me. Still very much doing everything to keep me alive on that ride. She told me once we got to the ER that she didn't want me to know how bad it was. She elevated my status to get me into a specific room for urgent care. 

I was surrounded by a sea of medical staff all doing their part to get me treated ASAP. The entire staff at Huntsville Hospital was absolutely amazing. I cannot begin to thank them all for the treatment from start to finish. It was quite a day. 

I had a procedure and had to have two stents in two branches of a main artery, and I heard it called the widow maker. 

I was taken to ICU where I slept and struggled with nausea. I remember family and friends coming and going into my room. My daughter Sara Kate stayed with me that night. Unfortunately, she was awakened by hospital ICU staff who quickly removed her from the room. She recalls seeing my body flailing around on the bed. The staff hooked me up to an AED and began chest compressions. I was awakened by a nurse trying to get an oxygen mask on my face. I remember freaking out because I couldn't understand why they had awakened me from such a great sleep. I can attest to a PEACE and rest I have never known. It was the best and deepest sleep. But to be brought back to such chaos was strange. I am still very thankful to the wonderful staff that provided such quick and skillful care for me. 

In the meantime, Sara Kate had been taken to a room to wait. She proceeded to contact Marc, my husband, and my daughter Taylor. Taylor and her husband Caleb were about to board when Sara Kate told her what had happened to me. She didn't know if I had made it or not.  At that point, she was taking off and not able to receive updates until she landed. Taylor said she just slept on the plane. Being in the room alone, Sara Kate turned to see a bible sitting near her. During this difficult storm, she began to read and found peace, hope, and care in the words she kept reading. 

It was one scary event after another. But I can tell you I felt the presence of God during it all. He draws near to us when we seek Him. I sensed His presence more intimately. I don't want to have another heart attack but what happened to me was better than any revival I have experienced in my life.

My heart's ability to pump blood out to the body known as the EF was 30% at the time I was leaving the hospital. I was informed by the cardiologist that the number would need to improve into the 40's and optimally 50's or I would require a pacemaker. 

I began 3 months of cardiac rehabilitation. I am still doing it. But my latest ECO showed my EF is 56%. The optimal range is between 50-70.  I had people praying for me from the east coast to the west coast. Sara Kate placed her hand on me and prayed believing God would heal my heart. My cardiologist said the muscle looked as if I had not had a heart attack. He said from the EKG he could tell I had. 

So why would I want to share this story with you on this Blog? Well primarily to offer hope. I want anyone reading it to know that dark times will come.  The number one thing I heard after this was "But you are the healthiest person I know." Dark times come to all of us at one time or another. Life is not all a bed of roses, but my trials and difficulties provided the perfect context to reveal to me the beautiful perspective of God's love, care, presence, and peace. I would not know just how close He is, how much He comforts me and those I love, had I not gone through it. I would know it with my head, but now I know it because I experienced it. I experienced God through this time. I was so thankful to see Him comforting my family in a variety of ways.

Another reason I wanted to share my experience is to say do not ignore the warning signs. I didn't know that indigestion could be a sign of a heart attack. But since my event, I have been informed. Is every bout of indigestion a reason to go to the ER, NO. But it is good to know that it is a possible sign. 

My family tree has several branches that have a history of heart issues. This was not something I could exercise out or eat well enough to improve it. So, listen to your body. Do not ignore signs but also do not read this and start working yourself up into anxiety that can lead you to a panic attack. Just listen to your body, talk to family and medical staff, seek help if needed, and know that if you call on the LORD Jesus, He will be with you and can provide intimate care for you in the middle of it all.

Call out to Him. He draws near to those who seek Him with their whole heart. He will walk with you through the difficulties. 

Take care of your body. I am including some links for you to check out.

Taking Care of Yourself | American Heart Association

Cardiac Heart Care and Cardiovascular Program by Huntsville Hospital

What Is a ‘Widowmaker’ Heart Attack? | Sharp HealthCare

Summer Activities

Our family; my husband, me and two teen daughters had the blessing of going to Casa Aleluya on a mission trip at the beginning of this summer.  Upon reflection of that trip, I couldn't help but contrast it with my mission trip to London.  This time serving with my family instead of leaving them behind gave me an undivided heart.  I had them with me so I was not as homesick.  Another stark contrast was the physical fertility of the ground in Guatemala.  We travelled to a small town, Patzun, which was very agricultural.  The ground was not the only thing fertile and prepared.  It appeared that the hearts were very open and ready for the gospel as well.  It seemed the hearts in London were drier. As with any ground, it needs to be prepared, softened and tilled to ready it for the planting season.

While both areas are in desperate need of Jesus Christ, the work of a Christian travelling to these areas needs to be prepared to serve those in all conditions.  All lands need to be worked so the ground is softened and same for the hearts.

I was thrilled to have the opportunity to just love on the orphans.   One of the little girls called me Gringo Momma.  I just melted every time.  I love being loved by them as much as I loved loving them.  What a blessed trip.  Serving along side the full time missionaries was such a privilege.  Coming along side of them, encouraging them and lifting them up is really something that those coming for short stays should keep at the forefront of their thoughts and hearts.  I was blessed to be with a small group that represented 4 different local churches from our area.  We were all bonded together and now are a part of a special family as a result of serving together.

After we returned from the Guatemala trip, our family headed our separate ways.  My high school senior had a youth trip to Kentucky and my high school freshman had a soccer tournament in Baton Rouge that Marc and I travelled down to witness.  We came home to head out again to go white water rafting down the French Broad and Nantahala.  It was a wonderful time.  I have enjoyed every bit of it, but all this travel time gave me time to catch up on some reading.  I have been reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich and The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren.

I was able to finish the "Love and Respect" book and just scratching the surface on the "Daniel Plan".  While it is my utmost recommendation to take care of your temple and I am always looking for ways to help advise you how to do that, I must say that everyone needs to read the Love and Respect book.  Although I had studied it before, this time really brought much more clarity.  The bottom line is this: Wives RESPECT your husband and Husbands LOVE your wives.  These are commands from the scripture not suggestions.  It actually explains how God didn't have to command wives to love because that comes natural to them, and He didn't have to command husbands to respect because that comes natural to them.  It talks about the Crazy Cycle of wives withholding respect to motivate the husband to show love, and husbands withholding love to motivate the wives to respect them; so no one's needs are getting met.  It only takes one to be the MORE MATURE one in order to break the crazy cycle, and start the energizing cycle where his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  So the question is: who will be the more mature one in the relationship.  I believe the argument that it takes two really does apply here.  

The summer is not over and I am sure we have more adventures ahead, but for now I am slowing down in order to take care of my senior whose 4 wisdom teeth were surgically removed yesterday.  At least it gave me time to sit down, study the word, and catch up on my blogging time.

Hope you all are finding the summer as fun, exciting and educational.  

Be blessed and may the love of the Lord fill you today.

Bev

My Trip to London

One of the common saying in the Tube station

Well my journey to London has ended and many of you have prayed for me through it all.  I wanted to take some time to thank each of you and to share a bit of that time with you. 

For those that were not aware, I left on Nov 4 and returned on the 14th.  It was many things to me.  I can honestly say I am not the same girl that I was when I left.  My eyes are a little wider to the realities around me.  The state of the world and the direction humanity is going is all pressing on my mind. 

Many asked me prior to going, "why London".  I simply say, because God impressed it on my heart.  I sensed this call, and just asked God to clearly lead me if that is what He wanted me to do.  I asked God to have a particular woman to ask me and she called within days to ask if I had considered going on the mission trip to London.  I just had to laugh.  So when asked, I simply say it was because that is where the Lord wanted me.   If I truly believe He is my Lord and that He purchased me by His sacrifice, then who am I that I should ever say NO to His desire for me.  Who am I that I should not obey His commands.  If I love Him, I will be able to obey Him.  My love for Him will drive me to obey!!

Now on the other side of the trip, you may ask me if I know why the Lord called me there and my answer would be multi-faceted. 

Perhaps the Lord wanted me to OBEY.  Perhaps He wanted to teach me to TRUST HIM! 

I believe primarily He wanted to change me.  He wanted me to see the world through His eyes.  He wanted me to love on people He brought into my life.  The relationships that were established were for His glory and for His fame.

But for the most part I don't know exactly why.  I know this side of heaven, I may never fully know or understand.  It may be seeds were planted, or seeds were watered.  It could be that believers needed encouragement.  It could be that there were those random people on the tube or bus needed a stranger's smile.  It could be that there was a young woman that needed to know she mattered to someone.  She needed to know that there are people that will listen and perhaps in doing so, she would meet Jesus in the process. 

God really began opening my eyes in ways I do not know I have ever seen before.   I went to see worship at temples of other gods.  One striking insight that I had was when we visited a Gurdwara temple and a Hindu temple as we watched the practices of those we would encounter, I was overwhelmed to watch as these people ritualistically bowed in such reverence to worthless gods. But us who proclaim to serve the ONE TRUE GOD, would treat Him so irreverently and with such casualty. Although He doesn't demand it, He does deserve our utmost devotion, respect, admiration, obedience and LOVE! (and so much more) What a stark revelation and insight that it brought along with much conviction and heart ache.  But then an other realization was that man wants to be able to be right and if you give him a list of things to DO he will feel better.  But the resistance is in relinquishing authority and allowing another to make you right is where religion and relationship become the great divide.  The true measurement of true Christianity is in the surrender and acknowledgement that Christ makes us right by what He did, not by what we do.  Our action is faith, acceptance and obedience.

I began to see just how offensive "religious" Christianity really is.  I have for some time been concerned over this matter, but the glaring reality of it came crashing in on me as I visited the British museum.  I was gazing over much of the church history that is so much a part of England's history.  I began to see how Christianity has been historically hi-jacked for the sake of its perceived power over the masses.

You see the entire basis of Christianity is a "relationship" with God our creator by the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, through the faith/believing in Jesus as our savior/messiah.   (Jesus is not about controlling the masses but setting them free of the grip of sin in their lives.  He is about TRANSFORMING us into a beautiful image of Christ in each of us that surrender to the work of His hand through obedience to His WORD)   Historically, rulers looked at the uprising of this power in Christianity, as something to squash or if they couldn't squash it they sought to utilize this power to their political gain.  However, the true power is not gained through rules and methods, it is ONLY truly gained by a living daily relationship in Christ through faith.  It is not to be used, manipulated or grasped.  It is for our individual freedom.  No one can mandate it, regulate it, or Lord over it except God himself.  One Queen be-heads her own sister because of it.  Too often, Christianity is embraced not for the sake of a relationship but because of the POWER it would bring.  This is true for many modern churches of today.

This sign was part of the renovation to the city of London in preparation for the 2012 Olympics. Quite interesting!

Looking around, I can see scripture prophecy being fulfilled.  Is the end of the age at hand?  I don't know, but it is closer today than it was yesterday.  Every day takes us closer and closer to the end of time.  Will Christ return in my lifetime?  I don't know.  He may call me home tomorrow, and that will be MY personal end of time.  But is it possible that the end of time is close at hand?  Yes.  In London, it was as if EVERY people  group was THERE.  In 2012, the Olympics will be there and truly every people group will be represented.  There is a movement and a sense of bringing a REVIVAL (REBIRTH!)  to London therefore the world.  It was something I sensed while I was there.  There is an eager anticipation of what God is doing and what He is about to do and many sense that London is at the heart of it.

Revelation 3 talks of a church that believes itself to be rich and requiring nothing.  Then it goes on to say that the church doesn't realize it is naked, pitiful and wretched.  (  ¹⁵ I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. ¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. )  It makes me think of much of Christianity that believes that by their programs, their rules and their "good behavior" they are in need of nothing.  But it is our pitiful state and our constant awareness of how messed up we are or would be without Christ that will save us and does continue to save us, transform us and keep us EVER reliant on HIM!  AND then we would truly be able  to boast in Christ alone.  All the work that is done in us would be for His credit and not our own by our good works, deeds and own self Righteousness.

This trip to London was intangible.  We didn't go and build a physical church, but we did go and encourage the brethren which is the true church.  We didn't go to an orphanage and love on babies, but we did encounter the broken hearted, abandoned and discouraged and loved on them.   We entered into the lives of those on the ground doing the plowing of the VERY hard soil of London.  We saw how desperately this city is in need of prayer.  We became painfully aware of the loneliness that surrounds those that are called to London to bring the good news of our Lord Jesus. 

The borders of this country/ this city is opened in law but not opened in heart to Christianity.  The heart of the country that sent forth Christianity to the world is now in dire need of the good news.  Please keep London in your prayers.  Many say that the USA is usually 10 years behind the trends of the UK.  If that is the case,  we need to be praying fervently for America as well.  The face of London and its history is being erased rapidly.

The enemy came in like a flood

Isaiah 59:19 NKJV

So shall they fear The name of the Lord from the west, And His glory from the rising of the sun; When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.

On Mother's Day this year, after an evening of ministering to a sister in Christ who had fallen to sin years ago and is living there, I awoke the following morning to a flood in my home.  I wrote about the flood in other posts.  However, a dear sister in Christ told me about the above scripture.  I just had to share it with you. 

You see years before when my fallen sister was walking with Christ, she had fallen to sin and my family spent time praying with her to be free.  That evening over a decade ago, I returned home to a flooded kitchen.  HMMM  wonder what that is all about?  Not really!  I know that where the Spirit of the Lord is busy, you will also see the enemy trying to come against it.  Although I didn't want to go thru a renovation and all the mess that comes with it.  If it means that a sister will be free on the other side, I find great encouragement in the flood.  Just like the flood brought destruction to my home, the renovation brought order and great beauty.   I look to the day when my sister in Christ is able to look back at the sin that brought destruction in her life and only be able to see the RENOVATION and beauty the Lord made from it.

I look up again at the scripture and where the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. 

Ready for the good guys to win this one!!!!!  Ready to see my sweet sister in Christ to be back up on her feet and walking hand in hand with her savior, her Christ!

Sharing my testimony little by little

My life is as unique as I am, and the same is true for everyone.  I think it is important to know one another's story.  I am going to begin to share mine in hopes that you will know me a little better, and so you will be encouraged.

There have been many chapters to my life.  One of the more profound chapters in my life centered around the matter of addicitons.  I walked thru the majority of my adult life with the knowledge that my dad struggled with acholism.  It was a hard and difficult thing to watch and live thru.  I hated it and what it did to this man whom I had always looked up to.  Then, we as a family had watched one too many movies about addiction, and believed it was time for an intervention.  Who really is equipped to set someone free from an addiction like that? 

What I can tell you is that no amount of begging, loving, bargaining, money or being willing to help will do it.  I can tell you from the words of my own father, "sometimes you can love someone too much".  So if you find that you are dealing with a loved one with an addiction, remember that you cannot set them free.  My dad had to get to the end of it, or as some say, he had to HIT bottom.  He had to want to be free of his addiction.  He had to admit he had a problem.  I don't know what the bottom is for anyone.  No one ever does.  It is different for everyone, and no one knows their own bottom.  All I know is we had to step back, and love him enough to let him find it.  That was and is the hardest part of it all.

My dad told me once that when he was young he didn't think, wow I want to grow up to be a drunk.  It happened over a long period of time.  The signs all developed so slowly.   However, this was not the end of the story.  My dad went thru treatment following our intervention.  He felt ganged up on, and cooperated to appease each of us.  So you tell me, do you think it worked?  NO!  It was a big fat  expensive failure.  He learned how to hid it better and he actually started smoking again in rehab.  It wasn't until years later when he was legally forced to seek help did he finally get clean.

One of the stories of hope and love however came from what God did in my life during this time.  I had been been asked and was going to be married.  I wanted my dad to give me away, and walk me down the isle.  I wondered how it would come about with my dad rarely being sober.   I even considered asking my big brother to do it, but knew that this would further hurt my already broken relationship with my dad. I went to him, and told him of my desire to have HIM give me away.   I then told him something that FOREVER changed my relationship with him, and taught me to love and accept him unconditionally.  I told him that he could decide whether he walked me down the isle drunk or sober.  It was up to him, but either way I wanted him to do it.  Guess which one he chose.  He was completely sober, and it was one of the sweetest time I have had with my dad.  He supported me and calmed me.  It was EVERYTHING I had dreamed it would be.

I share this story today as a result of a message I heard today at church regarding leporsy.  I was reminded of the horrible effects the alcohol had on my dad similar to the effects leporsy has on the body.  How it totally disfigured my dad.  The effects were so far reaching at times the external decay was difficult to see.   Also, this is a result of a research paper my older daughter is doing about whether alcoholism is inherited or environmental.

The best part of this story is that he finally beat the disease.  He gave his life to Christ and one year later, with God's help, he became a recovering alcoholic.  He did this and remained sober for almost 11 more years.  Unfortunately, the damage the alcohol had on his body was VERY severe.  He struggled the last several years of his life and the final months were pure agony.  However, I had a glorious 11 years with my dad.  He was clean and living for God. 

I visited my dad alone at times in his last year of life, and we had the best talks.  There was one time he told me he didn't feel much like talking so I asked him if I could read the bible to him.  He told me to read a story out of Kings.  I read the story to him, and he shared a bit of  his history with me.  He said, "that is the story my dad use to read to me".  I was so tickled to have that information.  Why is that part of this story?  Because if I had chosen to go another path during MY BIG DAY, I would not have had the privilege of reading to my dad then.

I walk away from this time in my life and look upon it with such blessing.  It was hard and it hurt deep, but I can tell you God taught me how to love the way He wants us to love one another.  It was sacrificial, it was hard but I can tell you I have NO regrets.

I miss my dad, but I know he has a NEW body now and I know that he is no longer struggling to be sober or need help getting thru the day. 

I will share the REST OF THE STORY on another post.  I don't know why I was motivated to quote Paul Harvey, but it just hit me. 

Have a blessed day and know that if you love the "hard to love" there are rewards that cannot compare to any other rewards.   I cannot tell you exactly why it is other than the scripture mentions loving those who love you compared to loving your enemies.  I can't explain it, but if you give it a try you will experience it.