Life can be Difficult

I know that difficult times are not fun at all.  In fact, they can be really awful. I have been wondering lately though. What if I frame my trials in a new way? What if they are the backdrop to highlight the good times? I wonder if, in the hard times, I will change my perspective if I may not even see light amidst the darkness of my hour.

I don't know how to share exactly what has recently happened to me.  It has been profound, scary, exciting, and very unexpected. 

I had not been feeling great for a few days. It wasn't that odd because I just had indigestion. It was bad enough that I didn't attend church that day.  I just didn't feel great. By Monday, I was able to go to lunch with a sweet friend. The next day, I walked my dog, Ellie, and I taught my cardio class at the Wellness Center. It was Halloween.  It was going to be a very busy day. It had gotten super cold, and my hands hurt while I walked Ellie. I figured it was just because I was cold.  I got home, my hands warmed up and the pain went away. 

I had payroll to process at work, I needed to take my mom to get groceries, and I just didn't have time for what happened next.

I finished teaching my class and I could tell I was just a bit off. By the time I was leaving the facility, I called my sister, and she wisely advised me to go to the doctor to get checked out. 

I headed to the nearby Urgent Care. They determined that I was either at risk or was having a heart attack. Gosh!!! WHAT???

But I eat right and exercise!!! How can this be?

I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I remember traveling in reverse looking out the window at the all too familiar road. I began to pray with a bit of excitement and peace that this could be my last day here on earth. I wasn't hating my life; I was just getting excited that I may be face-to-face with Jesus today!!!!  Oh wow!!

I immediately began to think of all of my wonderful family and friends that I would be leaving behind, which made me tear up. But the peace that fell on me was beyond what I could ever have imagined or put words to. It was that heavy deep breath followed by a full exhale that makes up a sigh of relief and release. (Yeah, still words just cannot do it justice)

For any of you who know me well, this next part will not surprise you. The ambulance driver, the person who was taking care of me, and I started joking around. I smiled, and they smiled. The young lady who rode with me was so busy with my care, but she was still light-hearted with me. Still very much doing everything to keep me alive on that ride. She told me once we got to the ER that she didn't want me to know how bad it was. She elevated my status to get me into a specific room for urgent care. 

I was surrounded by a sea of medical staff all doing their part to get me treated ASAP. The entire staff at Huntsville Hospital was absolutely amazing. I cannot begin to thank them all for the treatment from start to finish. It was quite a day. 

I had a procedure and had to have two stents in two branches of a main artery, and I heard it called the widow maker. 

I was taken to ICU where I slept and struggled with nausea. I remember family and friends coming and going into my room. My daughter Sara Kate stayed with me that night. Unfortunately, she was awakened by hospital ICU staff who quickly removed her from the room. She recalls seeing my body flailing around on the bed. The staff hooked me up to an AED and began chest compressions. I was awakened by a nurse trying to get an oxygen mask on my face. I remember freaking out because I couldn't understand why they had awakened me from such a great sleep. I can attest to a PEACE and rest I have never known. It was the best and deepest sleep. But to be brought back to such chaos was strange. I am still very thankful to the wonderful staff that provided such quick and skillful care for me. 

In the meantime, Sara Kate had been taken to a room to wait. She proceeded to contact Marc, my husband, and my daughter Taylor. Taylor and her husband Caleb were about to board when Sara Kate told her what had happened to me. She didn't know if I had made it or not.  At that point, she was taking off and not able to receive updates until she landed. Taylor said she just slept on the plane. Being in the room alone, Sara Kate turned to see a bible sitting near her. During this difficult storm, she began to read and found peace, hope, and care in the words she kept reading. 

It was one scary event after another. But I can tell you I felt the presence of God during it all. He draws near to us when we seek Him. I sensed His presence more intimately. I don't want to have another heart attack but what happened to me was better than any revival I have experienced in my life.

My heart's ability to pump blood out to the body known as the EF was 30% at the time I was leaving the hospital. I was informed by the cardiologist that the number would need to improve into the 40's and optimally 50's or I would require a pacemaker. 

I began 3 months of cardiac rehabilitation. I am still doing it. But my latest ECO showed my EF is 56%. The optimal range is between 50-70.  I had people praying for me from the east coast to the west coast. Sara Kate placed her hand on me and prayed believing God would heal my heart. My cardiologist said the muscle looked as if I had not had a heart attack. He said from the EKG he could tell I had. 

So why would I want to share this story with you on this Blog? Well primarily to offer hope. I want anyone reading it to know that dark times will come.  The number one thing I heard after this was "But you are the healthiest person I know." Dark times come to all of us at one time or another. Life is not all a bed of roses, but my trials and difficulties provided the perfect context to reveal to me the beautiful perspective of God's love, care, presence, and peace. I would not know just how close He is, how much He comforts me and those I love, had I not gone through it. I would know it with my head, but now I know it because I experienced it. I experienced God through this time. I was so thankful to see Him comforting my family in a variety of ways.

Another reason I wanted to share my experience is to say do not ignore the warning signs. I didn't know that indigestion could be a sign of a heart attack. But since my event, I have been informed. Is every bout of indigestion a reason to go to the ER, NO. But it is good to know that it is a possible sign. 

My family tree has several branches that have a history of heart issues. This was not something I could exercise out or eat well enough to improve it. So, listen to your body. Do not ignore signs but also do not read this and start working yourself up into anxiety that can lead you to a panic attack. Just listen to your body, talk to family and medical staff, seek help if needed, and know that if you call on the LORD Jesus, He will be with you and can provide intimate care for you in the middle of it all.

Call out to Him. He draws near to those who seek Him with their whole heart. He will walk with you through the difficulties. 

Take care of your body. I am including some links for you to check out.

Taking Care of Yourself | American Heart Association

Cardiac Heart Care and Cardiovascular Program by Huntsville Hospital

What Is a ‘Widowmaker’ Heart Attack? | Sharp HealthCare

Praying for My Sister In Christ - And My Prayer For You!

Yesterday, I prayed for a dear sister in Christ. She was in pain and in need of relief.  Her ailments are being treated by a doctor and there is mention of cancer.  

In my time of prayer for her I was moved to pray for her to be comforted by her heavenly Father through this time.  I was acutely aware that in times of difficulty, there must be much glory to be seen.  (glory simply meaning bringing attention to)  I couldn't help but ask God if that is why we suffer as we do as His children.   Not always do we reflect the most glory for God through healing.  Signs and wonders are great, and yes, God is a God that can heal.  However, the times where we are in pain, in despair or at the end of our rope, WELL that is where we find ourselves seeking Him.  Then, He equips us if we will fully surrender to Him.   In our difficulty and our desperation, we become fully aware of our need of Him. We tend to draw so much more beautiful attention to our Lord during this time (ie. much glory to God).  I have learned far more about Him in my times of hardship and difficulty.  That is where I learn to love Him more.  During our trials is where we can  fall more deeply in Love with Him.  I prayed she would fellowship with Him, enjoying time with Him, and growing in wisdom and understanding of His ways as she travels through this valley of darkness.

However, my most obvious prayer was for complete healing.  I  know God can do that.  However, I have lived long enough to know that God is not at my beck and call to do my bidding, and my desire.  So as I prayed, I asked and I desired to pray according to the Father's will.  I asked Him to increase my faith as well as her's, and the ability to see even beyond physical healing to the greater purpose of growing in trust, faith and belief.  In addition to being aware of the greater purpose of glorifying Him through whatever will transpire.  (bringing Him the most attention in order to exalt Him).

I desire today that if you find yourself in that dark place of pain, trial, suffering, loneliness, scary diagnosis, loss of a loved one, that you would get a glimpse of the Father's love for you.  He loves you dearly and deeply.  He has not left you nor has He abandoned you.  He walks with you in the valley of the shadow of darkness.  Rest today, invite Him in and just fellowship with Him.  Let Him love on you today.  Remember He paid for you by the shed blood of His own son, so that He could not only spend time communing with you in this life but for eternity.  The price He paid was priceless.  

Be blessed today.