Being a part of the body of Jesus Christ is both painful and one of sheer joy. I feel so mixed up today. I feel as if I get a glimpse of God's truth and it tears me in two. I feel excited yet dreadful. I feel sad but happy. What a weird place I am in.
In our Sunday School class today, we were in Romans 8 and we covered a verse that holds a great history for me. The verse is Romans 8:19
God had been speaking the Romans 8:19 verse to me for several weeks leading up to the event. He told me to wait in eager expectation! That was the key. Eagerly awaiting to see what He was going to do. It is the ONLY thing that got me to press through the next few hours.
I arrived at her home to find she had left her husband and children to join her drug dealer. I sat in the driveway and wrote her a letter. I am still not certain what all it said, but it was written with a very broken heart.
I decided to go on to the conference alone. It rained hard the rest of the way there. I think my eyes did too. What I didn't know as I was praying the entire way to Birmingham, is that the car that was in front of me contained the young woman I was suppose to be picking up. She saw me, and God used it to deal with her.
I arrived late to the conference because I had spent several hours making sure I had not missed her. I had a hard time every where I turned that day, from finding a place to park, a place to sit, you name it. But I arrived at the conference center, made my way to an available seat and to my delight, was seated just to the right of the stage at stage level. Once I was in my seat, Beth Moore turned toward my direction and said " I want you to know that God knows what you've been through to get here today." Honestly, that was all I went there for that weekend. God had acknowledged me through that one statement. I have attended various conferences but to date none have ministered to me quite like that. Did Beth know me or my struggle? No, but the God she and I serve, did. Did she even see me when she made that statement? Probably not, but the God that she and I serve did.
So today when I heard the verse again fresh, those memories began to flood my soul. When I hear it, I am reminded to wait eagerly for Him. I am to expect Him to show up, to work and move in my life. Praise God, He loves me! He sees me! He knows me and knows when I am hurting or struggling. Oh I need Him so dearly in my life.
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I would like to be able to report that the lady has turned her life around, but as with any addict, it is a daily struggle to get free. She has had periods of times where she walked in victory, but as I write this, she is out in the world being swallowed up by her own desires. I still long for the day that she will be free of it but for now, I wait eagerly expecting what God will do in a life of one surrender to Him. (That person to be revealed as a daughter of God)
Until that day...